I'm Afraid You'll Know That I'm Into...

A safe place to submit your kinks and fantasies, and for frank discussion of those things. Because nobody should be ashamed of sex.

We are straight, gay, lesbian, bi, pan, poly, mono, asexual, trans*, cis, intersex, androgyne, kinky, vanilla, leather, bear, and everything-else-under-the-sun-positive!

Please be advised: we are not professionals, sex gurus, sex therapists, or any sort of replacement for a good talk with your partner(s).
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Asker Anonymous Asks:
Do you think ryona is misogynist? It's a kink for scenarios where female characters get beaten down/tortured/assaulted. My love has a gore/ryona fetish, and I feel safe with him and embrace his kink (I also love how rough he plays with me because of it~) He despises when women are hurt in real life, though. But I see a lot of pathologizing of ryona among non-fans, like they think ryona fans ACTUALLY want to hurt real people, etc. Should I feel differently than I do, or worry about this? thank<3
afraidyouwillknow afraidyouwillknow Said:

I don’t think it’s misogynistic at all. I mean, kink is kink, and the stuff that happens there has different rules. If the female character in question is enthusiastically consenting to the play, then how on earth can it be misogynistic? Your love sounds like he’s a stand-up dude outside of kink (and inside!), and as long as his kink stays within the confines of kink, I can’t see how it could be any sort of problem.

In my head, I’m comparing this to rape play, humiliation play, take-down/capture play, kidnapping play, etc etc etc. All of those things are extremely Not Okay when not negotiated and consented to beforehand, but they’re fantastic within a scene!

There will always be people who don’t understand and who try to shame your kink. Just remind them that you, as the female character in question, enjoy ryona, and feel empowered by it (I mean, I assume you see it as a sexual experience, which I consider empowering because you’re embracing your sexuality). Also remind them that you don’t kink-shame them, and you would appreciate the same treatment.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
The guy I like is really into watersports. I'm not into this, at all. If other people want to practice it, that's cool, but I personally feel (seriously) uncomfortable with it. I want to think about being more open, do you have any tips on approaching this? This is not a "I want to make this guy like me so I'm going to do this thing", he humours my kinks, so I want to (try) to return the favour. He's really turned on by the thought of urinating on me, esp. in my mouth, or making me drink my own.
afraidyouwillknow afraidyouwillknow Said:

Well, what exactly makes you uncomfortable about it? Try making a list. Don’t feel silly or stupid or whatever for anything you put on it- be honest with yourself. Then, ask your boyfriend to make a list of the things he loves about it. Trade lists, so that you can see where the other person is coming from.

For example: if you hate the idea of the smell, he can be sure to drink a ton of water and maybe skip any vitamins he takes that day, so the smell is reduced. If he loves the idea of the humiliation aspect and humiliation is something you’re otherwise turned on by, you can try to think of it as another type of humiliation as opposed to capital-W-Watersports, which is sort of intimidating.

I’d also suggest working up to actually consuming the urine. That’s pretty advanced to jump right into, particularly if the person doing the consuming isn’t especially turned on by the idea.

Last thing: even if this WAS an “I want to make this guy like me so I’m gong to do this thing” situation, there’s nothing wrong with that! I mean, it’s definitely better that you’re trying to reciprocate indulgence of kinks, but there’s nothing wrong with trying to sexually please someone you’re into.

Good luck!

Yay! You're active again c:
afraidyouwillknow afraidyouwillknow Said:

Yep! Sorry about the long wait on that. Like I said, real life got particularly real-life-y. I’ve just had a really great person apply to co-mod the blog, so answers should be coming more regularly now.

Everyone who waited for me to come back without unfollowing, thank you so much, from the bottom of my kinky little heart. You’re all the best.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
I got interested in kink while my boyfriend and I were on a break. When we got back together, I told him that I opened myself up to new doors and he was cool with it. I'm into sub/dom play, being slapped, choked, called a slut, tied, ect. but he wont play into it. I find it hard to even be have an orgasm without kink...how do I introduce him to it so that we can both begin to have sex more and so I can get off?
afraidyouwillknow afraidyouwillknow Said:

Have you told him how difficult it is for you to get off without kink? Have you talked about exactly why it makes him uncomfortable? This sounds like it’s going to have to be a time for you two to compromise.

You might talk about certain kinks that are necessary for you to get off, certain things that are extremely hard limits for him. If those involve the same kink (you NEED to be choked, he is completely unable to choke you), you might talk about opening up your relationship. That doesn’t mean your relationship is lesser, or is unfulfilling, just that your sexualities don’t quite match up. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Good luck, remember to use your words and don’t expect him to suddenly turn into Mr. Masterly Dom overnight.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
My partner and I currently have a D/s relationship, but in bed only. I'm the sub, and I'd love to have it carry over into real life. He implied that he's going to get me a collar - do you think that would be a good way to start introducing the D/s elements into our day to day lives? (I don't want it to be integrated with EVERYTHING, just more than in the bedroom)
afraidyouwillknow afraidyouwillknow Said:

I think that would be a great way to start introducing D/s into more of your vanilla life. I think you also should talk to your partner about this, because he should know that you’re wanting to act submissive in more aspects of your life. It’s hard to be submissive to someone who isn’t being dominant! Good luck, and congratulations on your collaring!

Asker Anonymous Asks:
im a 20 year old male and ive had a fetish for satin silk material it gets to head even though i havent told noone I think stuff like people will think im weird if they did know this about me. This fetish doesnt get in between my attraction for girls but when i a girl is wearing satin or in satin sheets it can turn me on right away even if the girl isnt that attractive.
afraidyouwillknow afraidyouwillknow Said:

I’m a bit confused. Are you into wearing satin/silk, or into your partners wearing it, or satin/silk sheets, or all of the above?

I know there are silk boxers on the market, if that’s what you’re into. Here’s some satin ones: http://www.overstock.com/Clothing-Shoes/Mens-Classic-Satin-Boxer-Shorts-Pack-of-5/5337848/product.html If you’re into crossdressing, a google search for “men’s silk panties” brought up hundreds of thousands of results.

As for the other things, you could put satin or silk sheets on your bed when you know a girl is going to be coming over. You could say to your partner, “fuck, it gets me off so hard to see you in silk” or something along those lines.

For the record: it’s not weird at all. Satin’s sexy! 

Asker Anonymous Asks:
So, i have a massive baby/daddy kink and my boyfriend calls me baby all the time but he doesn't get what it does to me or that I want him to treat me like a baby (misbehavior spanking, me calling him daddy etc) how do I bring it up with him?
afraidyouwillknow afraidyouwillknow Said:

You, well. You just bring it up to him. Sit down with some tea or coffee or whatever it is you guys like to drink (preferably non-alcoholic, because being clear-headed is a good idea for this conversation). Tell him that you want to talk about your relationship and some things you’ve been thinking about.

Tell him how you feel when you call him baby, and that you want to explore that dynamic further. Maybe don’t jump right into “I want to wear diapers and for you to feed me bottles” and all that (I don’t know if that’s what you want, obviously, I’m just making an example), because to someone who’s never thought about this before, that can be a little scary. Tell him you’re curious about calling him Daddy, about being punished when you’re bad.

Just talk to him! Trust him to hear you out. I know it’s scary, but it’s a lot better than never doing it.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
My boyfriend and I are in a D/s relationship. He acts like a daddy (calling me "little girl", being kinder with punishments, etc) but doesn't like daddy/little girl titles. He says we're more like Master/slave, but in my opinion that's got harsher rules and punishments than my relationship does. There are differences, right?
afraidyouwillknow afraidyouwillknow Said:

There are differences between the different types of D/s relationships, yes, but it’s also important to remember that the only people who can really define their relationship are the ones involved in it. I answered a question like this here: http://afraidyouwillknow.tumblr.com/post/19529634872/whats-the-difference-between-a-pet-slave-and (for some reason, my link button isn’t working. I’ll fix it soon.)

I didn’t cover Daddy/little relationships there, because I don’t know a ton about them. However, if you and your boyfriend aren’t into the titles, you don’t have to use them! You can make up your own titles, or you can use Master/slave titles and to hell with what you think those titles “should” mean. This is about what works for you, not about what everyone else things you should be doing.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Hi. I'm a first time sub and I'm scared of my dom. He seems very caring and nice, but sometimes I see flashes of anger when I don't meet his expectations. He has NEVER been out of control with me or anything, but I fear my first punishment. I'm afraid I won't live up to his expectations and he'll be disappointed and want another sub. Also, he is so much more experienced than I am and I'm afraid he's going to get impatient with me or think I'm childish. This is new and I'm afraid of everything!
afraidyouwillknow afraidyouwillknow Said:

Hmm. Have you talked to him about this? There’s nothing wrong with being afraid- we were all afraid at some point- but if your Dom knows you’re scared and isn’t doing anything to help, that’s a little off. Tell him what you’re feeling. If he doesn’t seem to care, or enjoys that you’re afraid of him, you might want to think about the relationship.

One thing to remember is that D/s isn’t about you doing every single thing he says and never having an opinion or a voice. It’s about the two of you enjoying your sexualities. If you’re not enjoying it (I mean, punishments aren’t always enjoyable, that’s not what I mean) because you’re too scared, there’s something wrong.

As for being inexperienced, there’s something to be said for being the first person someone tries something with. It’s kind of a rush, and it can be a really cool feeling.

Talk to your Dom about all this. Good luck!

Asker Anonymous Asks:
To the male anon of this blog, I just want to say that you are always so helpful in your responses to people and you seem really awesome and sweet =w=)/ keep up with the good work!
afraidyouwillknow afraidyouwillknow Said:

Thank you so much! This is so sweet of you!